Praying or Whining

I watched my daughter last night struggle to put on her shoes just before we went to bed. After struggling for a while and realising she was not going forward with this, she started screaming in tears; ‘mummy put the shoes on!’ I smiled, knowing that the lights would soon go off, there was really no point putting on the shoes. But she went on and on and on about it. To the point that her screams became a bit irritating to my ears. So what did I do? I helped her with her shoes and turned off the lights. ‘Oh, it’s bed time mummy, take off the shoes!’
A funny analogy, but think about it for a second. Is this a true picture of your life? There are times we feel God has given us a brain so we can use it; and when we’ve tried all and it does not seem to work, we turn and say ‘God take the wheels now!’ And when it does not seem like He is driving (because you are obviously focusing on the circumstances and they seem pretty the same or even worse), you start whining; ‘God are you driving? I said take the wheels; I want you to go this way, or turn around. I don’t like what I see here; I’ll prefer to take this route, it looks like a smooth ride that way…’ And we just go on and on.
I've had so much on my mind lately, having sleepless nights and lacking appetite. But I did come to this point where I realised that I was getting my hairs grey and increasing the wrinkles on my forehead. So I said, ‘Jesus take the wheels’. After being at peace for a few days and things did not seem to change, I knelt down and said, ‘Hello God, it’s me your darling daughter again, at your feet. Just checking, are you still driving? Because this is what I want, and I still can’t see it!’ I did that many times afterwards, till I realised I was whining. This verse came to my heart;

‘do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God’ Philippians 4:6 (ESV)’

Then I started thanking God. “God, here I am again saying thank you. I’m looking at my circumstances, they seem the same, but I know You are at work. You are God irrespective of my circumstances or the challenges I face. You are God irrespective of the way I feel now. You are God alone’. And after a while of still feeling disturbed, I said ‘God, I choose not to look at my circumstances, I praise you because you are working it out for MY GOOD’.
My point here? When we stop looking at the raging winds around us, we can actually settle down and believe God is actually in control even if everything around us seems tumultuous. It’s at that point we can let the peace of God act as an umpire over our souls, hence kicking out every atom of anxiety that wants to come past it. It’s at that point we can confidently thank God without being tempted to whine. Even if it seems like your boat is ‘half capsized’, you can confidently say God is with me, I shall not be moved. Selah
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Here and there on marriage...

I recall vividly, the thoughts I had about marriage; how a prince charming will come sweep me off my feet; and be at my beck and call; ever wanting to please me… Bringing me breakfast in bed… Extremely bothered if I sneeze (honey, are you alright?)… Cuddling me when I’m feeling sad… Oh, and always supporting my opinion. He should not as much act like he does not agree with me. Gets me a present ‘just because he loves me’. Always remembers our anniversary and gets me a gift. . .Is the prayer warrior of my home. Always ready to chair the morning devotions and I’m eager to learn at his feet. Gives me a hand when he realises I’m stressed. Stays up at night with me when our baby decides she wants to go on a vigil. Always tells me I look great, even if I look like a drag queen. .. one more thing, i absolutely love flowers, so yeah, he sends me flowers at work, leaving my  colleagues completely envious (you know when others gosh about you being lucky, you feel like you are walking on water!).. I'm willing to bet you're saying" OMG! Ife, i didn't know we shared similar idealistic thought patterns" :-D. What can i say? It must be the -perfection is attainable gene. ;-)

For the guys, lets try to visualize your dream of marriage, most obvious start will be the proverbs 31 woman. The lady who never gets tired. Gives you a kiss when you toss your socks in the living room and picks them up for you. Makes your home look presentable even if you are making it ‘unpresentable’. Picks up after you with joy and glee. Takes off your tie when you get back from work and a wonderful dinner placed on the table already; set for a king. Always does your laundry (washing and ironing) before you even realise that you have a pile of dirty clothes. Always eager for sex (mmm) and gets turned on at the sound of your voice (classic M & B tale right)! Never argues with you when you state that this is what you want her to do. Always obedient, even when your demands are extreme..(I must admit that even I, am so impressed by and in love with 'this' woman!)

Okay, coming back to reality, most of the time, marriage isn’t what we expect. We get into it with lots of expectations and when they are not being met, we begin to make life uncomfortable for our spouse.

Don’t get me wrong. Marriage is a beautiful union between two imperfect people who have promised to love one another (though they really don’t know how they’d fulfil those promises) come what may and they are ready to lay down their lives for each other.

Note that I said two imperfect people. So the likelihood of your perfect dreams coming to life is ALMOST UNCERTAIN.

The most basic thing each marriage should have is two people, committed to becoming better people and encouraging their partners to be better people. You encourage your spouse to be a better person, don’t tear them down. I don’t believe in negative reinforcement, most of the time, it does more harm than good. I know that if you love and nurture someone, the person grows, if you throw stones at the person, they can choose to fight back or just shrink and feel you don’t believe in them.

We all have that ability to beat ourselves up when we feel we’ve made mistakes. But if we have people who hold our hands and say, ‘let’s move on, I know you can still do this’; we practically feel like we have been given the wings to fly. When you encourage someone positively, the person sees what he/she failed to see previously. When you give negative reinforcement, the person sees a competition, wants to prove you are wrong or worst case, chooses to prove you are right by sitting back and doing nothing. Words build or mare a marriage! Nurture yours with encouraging words, loving words etc. Don’t fall into the pit of trying to hurt your spouse as much as he or she has hurt you.

In wrapping this up, I'd like to say this - a happy marriage is not dependent on how your spouse makes you feel. It is fully dependent on how you CHOOSE to feel. Your happiness is not tied to the strings of anyone’s pants or belt .

It is important to know that you are not perfect, neither is your spouse. If you keep focusing on the imperfections of your spouse, it would look bigger than a mole hill. But if you choose that irrespective of what this person does, I’m enjoying my marriage, I ain’t whining or complaining. You’ll realise you’ll have less grey hairs.

Cheers.  

PAUSE AND THINK…

My meditations this morning and I thought I should share it; have fun reading and I hope you get something out of it like I did!

You know how you always like to know what’s ahead of you….

-Easy now, don’t jump the gun… For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Ditch the apprehension, get excited!

You know when you have that feeling like you are struggling with something and it seems like no one is interested in what you are going through?

-I want you to stop struggling, let go and let me catch you, let me hold you, and take you through this challenge step by step so you are tried and tested; through and through.

You know how you feel when you have poured out your heart to someone and the person takes that information to someone else and it becomes their ‘gist’?

-I want you to be able to pour out your heart to me, I listen, I’m your friend, I’m interested and I’ll only tell people who I know can help you (*winks*)

When you feel hurt by someone you love and the feelings of resentment keep swelling within you and you really don’t know what to do;

-Turn to me, I am your healer. Talk to me, I know your thoughts and I definitely have a way forward for you.

When you feel like all your friends have left you, they don’t call you, they don’t seem to care and making new ones is proving difficult;

-I am here for you. I am the friend who is forever near. You need no airtime to talk to me!

When you have some weird thoughts going through your mind that you can’t even share with anyone tell me about them, I know your thoughts.

When you are confused on a certain issue and are expecting me to thunder from heaven, in that loud voice, saying, ‘my daughter, this is what you should do…’;

- It’s not like I can’t do that, however, I need you to pause and not focus on the challenge. Listen for me to direct you. Be anxious for nothing, the anxiety hinders you from hearing my voice. Take a bold step forward in faith and clarity would come. Remember when the Israelites were standing the red sea before them, the Egyptians behind them, Moses said, ‘stand still and you’ll see the salvation of the Lord’; I said, GO FORWARD.

When it seems to you like your prayer points to me are the same, all you do is re-word it so it does not sound like repetition… and you keep wondering if I heard or if you’ve still got a long way to go on the “keep asking… and you shall receive” timeline?

-I know! I heard you the first time. There are several reasons you have not ‘seen’ a response; retune your focus - not on the physical but the spiritual... You probably need to hear this again... I KNOW THE PLANS I HAVE FOR YOU... I’m working it all out. Oh that the eyes of your understanding would be enlightened- then, you’ll know that I don’t stall!

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VALENTINE’S DAY… FROM MY EYES

So, what’s it about Valentine’s day that people get to scream about? I’ll try to walk through the different opinions of people I've come across here.

It’s a day a guy gets a girl some gifts and the girl shows it off, ‘He loves me’ J.

A day some guys show a girl they are actually interested in her by getting her a gift and not addressing it (has this happened to you before?).

A day some guys see as getting into a girls pants because they got her suya, or blackberry…

A day some guys think they should pray and fast about because they don’t believe in Valentine;

A day some girls get to sulk and wonder if they are beautiful, I mean, why am I not been showered with presents? And my room mate got from 5 different guys! Can’t the love go around?

A day some of those ‘spiritual brothers’ we know claim they don’t believe in, whilst their girlfriends (did I say girlfriends??? Scratch that! Fiance or Fedora) stop themselves from revolting due to the fear of being tagged as ungodly.

A day to show love… A love, which is not really understood by lots of people.

Okay, so how do I view Valentine’s Day? I’ll be truthful. I passed through different phases in life. The phase of believing that Vals day should be celebrated, just because I wanted to prove to others that my boyfriend loved me.

The truth is if I need to prove it to others, probably I’m in doubt of that love myself.

I recall a definition of love which I’d like to call upon now, love is a decision. Have you ever had a hot argument with your husband, wife, girlfriend, boyfriend, fiancé, fiancée etc. that it just seems like thoughts of resentment are just going through your head??? At that point, you’ll know that loving could be a challenge. It’s at that point I have to let go of the resentment, apologise even when I don’t feel I’m wrong but because I know I’ve hurt his feelings during my vendetta to win the argument. That’s my decision, to love him no matter what…

Did I just digress? Okay, Valentine love is the ‘giving love’. Love gives. Gives, irrespective of how it feels (that’s if love has feelings). It gives even when it does not have enough. It gives when giving seems impossible. Giving is not limited to material gifts. It includes giving my time, my listening ears when you are down, sacrificial giving when it’s not convenient… I really can’t exhaust this list.

Now should this love be shared on just one day? As a lady, I’ve been wowed several times by my husband just coming home with a lovely dress from a store (it was neither Christmas nor my birthday). I’ve also had him share my pain, even when I’m wrong and I’m expecting him to say, ‘serves you right’ or ‘I told you so’; he just stayed there and consoled me whilst I licked my wounds. Do I only want to get this attention on Vals day? Emphatically No!

And lest I forget, giving is a two way street. I know people who like receiving, but find it difficult to give. I’ve heard guys ask, ‘why is it only girls that should receive gifts on vals?’ Simple, some girls finds it difficult to give. Girls/ladies are sometimes plagued by, ‘I don’t want it to seem like I’m the person giving my all in this relationship and he is just sitting and sipping cocktail, expecting me to bow at his every command’.

The truth is, ladies/girls who feel this way need to deal with the feelings themselves. These feelings can’t be healed by a partner’s attention or activities. It can only be dealt with by ignoring what people think. People are entitled to their opinions, and trust me, they’ll have one irrespective of if you act or don’t act!

In summary, in the bid to celebrate love on a particular day, I’d say, love should be celebrated every day. Love should be given and showed everyday by both parties. If your days are filled with constant giving and sharing, there’ll be no hassles over the celebration of valentine; because, it would be like every normal day.

If you don't get some, give some

Hello, I feel like it has been ages since I’ve written, apologies dears. Let me say happy New Year and happy new month. I just had this break from writing because I wanted to write things that really had depth, not just write for the sake of it.

Okay, down to it; have you ever felt like you keep putting out your loving hand towards people and they seem to shove it down your throat (literally)? Or you keep trying to be nice to people and they don’t reciprocate? Oh yes, this one happens frequently, you keep trying to show respect to people and it seems that you even can’t do that quite right in their perception? If you’ve been in any of these situations, you’ll agree with me that it does suck! You keep putting your best foot forward and the foot gets crushed (and the list goes on…)

So I had this phase in my life when I just decided that some people were not just worth a brass farthing, I was not hustling to keep in touch with anyone or be nice to them. And for those I could not avoid, I was just walking on eggshells around them, and oh boy, that ain’t easy.

This resolve made me feel better on some points, but after a while, I realised that I was fast becoming a bitter woman. You know that feeling when you are chatting with someone and another person’s name comes up; and your heart lurches inside you; if you are a controlled person (or simply don’t like showing your feelings), you’d keep quiet. But if you are that person that everything that passes through your head must be voiced out, then everyone would know you have a thing against that person.

Soon, you’ll be no fun to talk to, because you always have one bitter comment or the other to pass about someone else. On the other hand, if you hide your feelings, you’ll constantly be so pained and might tend to react irrationally in certain situations. The other person might just keep wondering why you’ve gone so moody, if only they knew it was just a name!

Just so you know, I’ve been there, done that before. I’ve spoken my feelings about people I felt treated me unfairly, I’ve let the feelings eat me up and whilst I was sulking about it, I was just not nice to anyone. Well, I’m assuming you can picture the trend I was beginning to observe, here it is-my bitterness was affecting ME and not the people I was bitter towards. Hence, I knew I needed to change, and this action had to occur quickly.

So what were my steps to in trying to get out of this rut???

First of all, I had to constantly tell myself, ‘not everyone will like you, and if they don’t, don’t make it your problem, it’s theirs to deal with’. For a person like me- who enjoys being liked by everyone, that was a really difficult thing to say to myself. I still walk through it today. Just like I don’t fancy everyone, I should not expect everyone to fancy me, simple!

Second, don’t be a people pleaser. A people pleaser is someone who wants to please everyone just so they can say he/she is ‘nice’. Note that the person does not factor God into her people pleasing tasks. All he or she is particular about is that they want to look good or nice in other people’s eyes. Okay, I know some people feel people pleasers are simply those who always accommodate other peoples’ feelings. But if you do accommodate other peoples’ feelings, then you should understand how they feel when they don’t reciprocate (or accommodate your feelings).

If you want to break off totally from the people pleaser's syndrome, all you need do is to focus on how God feels about your actions. Is God happy if I say hello to her despite her ignoring me the last time I said hi? The thing is, what God wants is not necessarily what you want at times (unless of course, you’ve aligned yourself to Him in a way that His thoughts are constantly streaming through you). Okay, so God is happy, I’m taking her to the market, and not expecting her to pull through for me in future. Show love and don’t look out for the person’s reaction. Show respect to everyone (it removes nothing from you), and when they criticise you, smile and make amends. Don’t take offense at the fact that you’ve been putting in all your effort and it just seems like it’s the tiny oversights you make that are amplified way out of proportion. Just see it this way, ‘you are coming out like GOLD’.

The idea is to continually give, and not expect that same person to reciprocate the giving. It’s difficult, trust me, but it’s one of the ways you can live a worry free and bitter free life! God help us all.

some appreciation

i lost a very close friend about a couple of months back and a lot of things just dawned on me. why is it that it is when we loose people, that is when we appreciate them? that is when we say wonderful things about them, say how they influenced us positively, how they gave us a push in the right direction etc. if they could read all those words from beyond the grave... maybe they can... i can't tell, i've never been there.

But essentially, it is important to appreciate the people in our lives. don't belittle anyone. always learn to see the good aspects of others and tell them. I guess the human nature hates being rejected and being taken for a ride. the human nature prefers receiving rather than giving and pouring ourselves out.

What if I tell him how much he means to me and he makes jest of me? What if he just says 'thank you'? Or like my husband, respond by saying 'waow! that's great'... You know those comments that make you feel foolish and make you feel like just clamming up and not pouring out the real way you feel about someone.

Most of the time, we tend not to appreciate the tiny things in others that we see. Some of us are so judgmental that we only see the negative aspects of others. And you know the amazing thing about picking out the negative aspects of others? We tend to become what we constantly focus on. In essence, if we constantly focus on another person's weakness, don't be surprised if you start manifesting that same weakness. Because you have fed so much on it and you are gradually blending and conforming to it. I remember looking and a friend of mine and detesting the fact that she was very blunt... amazingly, I started passing blunt and painful comments about others in a short while.

Life is short. A good friend of mine said, 'focus on the positive aspects of life and do not waste time mourning over the negative aspects'. Learn to appreciate the positive things about the people around you and say it! Have a great day!

(image source: http://www.freedigitalphotos.net/images/Gestures_g185-Hands_Linking_Fingers_p32847.html)

Dawn is here...

Woke up this morning so happy and thankful for lots of things. Firstly, that the 'night' time was over.

It isn't like my situation had changed, or the challenges I had been facing were over, but I had this shocking realization... Night time does not last for a lifetime! Dawn is here! Dawn has come.

If you have been putting a lot of your energy into a 'project' and the results you are getting are not proportional to the energy dispersed in a good way, do not fear! Dawn is here!

If you've been bombarded by lots of health challenges, and you keep holding out in faith and it seems not to be working, my dear, it is, hold your breath; Dawn is here!

If you've been looking up to God for your finances, and everything just seems so tight, hey, Dawn is here!

If you've been trying to mend broken bridges in your life and it just seems like the grounds keep failing beneath you; Dawn is here!

If you've been 'sowing' and you don't seem to be reaping, do not faint, God knows there's a likelihood you'd want to give up, but He said, in due season you'd reap, your due season has arrived! Hallelujah! Dawn is here!

If you've been looking for that friend who'd understand you, and be there for you, God says I am more than sufficient for you, Look up to me, Dawn is here!

If you've been seeking for approvals and all you keep getting is disapproval, Ah ha! God says, it's my validation that matters. When I approve, no man can disapprove, look to me, Dawn is here.

If you've been holding out to God in faith, believing He'd come through for you, God says, Baby, I am never late, I am molding you, to be that perfect person for me, Look to me, Dawn is here!

Whatever the challenge is, Dawn is here.

I don't know about you, but I'm getting up, and preparing myself for the morning time, the day time! Yes, I have to be ready! I have to stop focusing on the darkness, and look with glee at the rising sun in my life!

I need to get prepared for the day time; I can't have the same 'notion' or attitude as I had during the night time.

This, I've dedicated to all my friends going through tough times now, dawn is here, get ready for the light, lest it takes you unprepared!

(p>Image: Danilo Rizzuti / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

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