Tuesday, May 25, 2010

the prodigal child

Before getting married, a lot of people naturally advice you. They tell you the dos and don'ts, ask you if you are prepared, or out-rightly tell you that they think you are too young. Before I got married, amidst all the counsels, there were some that stuck. One of them, I'd like to share. My friend's dad told me to study on the prodigal son in the Bible, and that it was very important that I drew a lesson from him.
Well, I had read that portion of the Bible a million and one times, but I just couldn't fathom what he wanted me to learn from him.
One day, it hit me. The prodigal son first of all wasn't happy to be ruled by his dad. Else, why would he want his inheritance whilst his father was still alive? He probably didn't appreciate all the father was doing and he must have thought to himself 'I can do better than Dad... I'll be better off on my own with the right resources'. Furthermore the son was just not ready emotionally, psychologically, etc for that kind of wealth. That's why he mismanaged it.
Likewise, if you don't appreciate where you are, you are not meant to start a serious relationship or get married. If the reason for starting either is because you feel incomplete and sad without it, or you feel your life would be better off in it, you'd most likely mismanage the relationship even if you have the right resources (eg a loving man or woman).
At that point in my life, I didn't like my 'home'. I always felt that they didn't appreciate me enough, there's nothing I can do right in their sight etc. But once that realization struck me (I was married already by the way), I realized how I was mismanaging the resources in my marriage. I had carried in the same mentality!
But my situation wasn't beyond repair, I got on my knees immediately and asked God to forgive me for not appreciating my folks enough, and I called them right away.
After doing this, my attitude changed. I saw things in a different light.
In conclusion, don't get married or start a committed relationship because you think the land at the other side is greener (though it is) or because you are tired of being single... There are many flimsy reasons which would lead to you mismanaging the relationship.
Have something more concrete to start off a committed relationship on.

Saturday, May 22, 2010

A Strong Will

Being a mum can be a bit challenging. It's a big responsibility, you try to do things right, because it seems like your weak points can be advertised to the world. And really, there are times, I need a break... Time off from the everyday chores, time off from my wonderful baby, don't get me wrong... I need ME TIME at times. So on this particular day, my brother-in-law took me to see a movie(without my princess). And well, my husband was left to babysit. This movie (avatar) was quite long and interesting! So, my peaceful baby at home, got cranky. My husband and his brothers tried all they could, but my little princess just kept crying (I want my mum!). They rushed out to buy formula(which by the way, she had never had), she rejected it. They took her for a walk (well, which she naturally loves), she kept weeping! After 30 minutes of continuous wailing, they decided to come and get me from the cinema.
When I got home, I immediately fed her, hmmm, and she calmed down.
Now, she was just about 4 months old, but she knew what she wanted and she wasn't satisfied with a substitute. And she stayed resolute till she got it!
Similarly, in life, we all should not do what we would naturally not do because we want to please others. Yeah, there are times we want to be nice, and we end up compromising, but experience has taught me that you'll still end up as the 'bad guy' anyway.
Don't get me wrong... I'm not saying we should be nasty, or we shouldn't make sacrifices, but we should not make sacrifices that would compromise our stand. Don't do things just because you want to look like the 'nice girl'. I once had this problem, I loved pleasing people, but in the long run, I get stressed trying to meet everyones expectations. There are times that I still indulge in this act, God help me, and it pays off at times, and other times, it doesn't. The idea is that I end up presenting a wrong picture of myself. But I learnt a vital lesson, 25% of people you meet would like you unconditionally, 25% would like you, but can change their minds, 25% would dislike you unconditionally and the last 25% would dislike you, but can change their minds (Joel Osteen). Okay, so why waste precious energy trying to change a person that might dislike me unconditionally?
So my position right now, I help people when I can, at times, I still go out of my way to do things for others, but what I would not do, I would not do! Have a great week people!

Thursday, May 20, 2010

The Relationship Handbook 1

Hmm, after seeing this title, I wonder what must be in your mind... the 'dos' and 'don'ts' of relationships... how to start a relationship... how to maintain a relationship... perhaps for some, the title is a simple turn-off! Hold it pls, and hear me out.
Really, for me, 'relationships' are intriguing. This is because no 'two people' are similar. Yep, so what works for a particular friendship, might not necessarily work for another. I remember someone asking for my advice when she just started a relationship with a guy. Well, I spoke to her based on my experience, but the truth is... my experience didn't work for her.
So then, what is the handbook for a relationship?
In my opinion, I don't think there's any.
Well, if each person follows God closely, allows Him to take charge of their lives, learns to make room for the other person's weaknesses (pls, we all have some weak points), stop placing people on pedestals, learns to live at peace... I can draw a lot of points... But the most important thing is learning to apply them.
Really, this is where most of us are usually swamped. Applying those things we know. I've been hurt by friends and obviously, the first thing I do, is to 'x' them from my friend's list. Okay, this is the way I would naturally act, you hurt me, I run, so you don't have the opportunity to do it again. But well, my 'running' doesn't mean I don't have hard feelings, well yeah, I do! But I try avoiding you so that I don't have to mistakenly bring it up, and get hurt again by your response.
Hmm, a yoruba adage says that it's the person that sleeps close to you on the bed that can roll over you. In essence, it's your close friend that hurts u the most.
well, i had to stop running at on point in my life... I'll share that in my part 2.
Well, I decided to make this a short one... I can go on and on, but let's rest here for today. Hope you enjoyed it sha...