Wednesday, February 8, 2012

If you don't get some, give some

Hello, I feel like it has been ages since I’ve written, apologies dears. Let me say happy New Year and happy new month. I just had this break from writing because I wanted to write things that really had depth, not just write for the sake of it.
Okay, down to it; have you ever felt like you keep putting out your loving hand towards people and they seem to shove it down your throat (literally)? Or you keep trying to be nice to people and they don’t reciprocate? Oh yes, this one happens frequently, you keep trying to show respect to people and it seems that you even can’t do that quite right in their perception? If you’ve been in any of these situations, you’ll agree with me that it does suck! You keep putting your best foot forward and the foot gets crushed (and the list goes on…)
So I had this phase in my life when I just decided that some people were not just worth a brass farthing, I was not hustling to keep in touch with anyone or be nice to them. And for those I could not avoid, I was just walking on eggshells around them, and oh boy, that ain’t easy.
This resolve made me feel better on some points, but after a while, I realised that I was fast becoming a bitter woman. You know that feeling when you are chatting with someone and another person’s name comes up; and your heart lurches inside you; if you are a controlled person (or simply don’t like showing your feelings), you’d keep quiet. But if you are that person that everything that passes through your head must be voiced out, then everyone would know you have a thing against that person.
Soon, you’ll be no fun to talk to, because you always have one bitter comment or the other to pass about someone else. On the other hand, if you hide your feelings, you’ll constantly be so pained and might tend to react irrationally in certain situations. The other person might just keep wondering why you’ve gone so moody, if only they knew it was just a name!
Just so you know, I’ve been there, done that before. I’ve spoken my feelings about people I felt treated me unfairly, I’ve let the feelings eat me up and whilst I was sulking about it, I was just not nice to anyone. Well, I’m assuming you can picture the trend I was beginning to observe, here it is-my bitterness was affecting ME and not the people I was bitter towards. Hence, I knew I needed to change, and this action had to occur quickly.
So what were my steps to in trying to get out of this rut???
First of all, I had to constantly tell myself, ‘not everyone will like you, and if they don’t, don’t make it your problem, it’s theirs to deal with’. For a person like me- who enjoys being liked by everyone, that was a really difficult thing to say to myself. I still walk through it today. Just like I don’t fancy everyone, I should not expect everyone to fancy me, simple!
Second, don’t be a people pleaser. A people pleaser is someone who wants to please everyone just so they can say he/she is ‘nice’. Note that the person does not factor God into her people pleasing tasks. All he or she is particular about is that they want to look good or nice in other people’s eyes. Okay, I know some people feel people pleasers are simply those who always accommodate other peoples’ feelings. But if you do accommodate other peoples’ feelings, then you should understand how they feel when they don’t reciprocate (or accommodate your feelings).
If you want to break off totally from the people pleaser's syndrome, all you need do is to focus on how God feels about your actions. Is God happy if I say hello to her despite her ignoring me the last time I said hi? The thing is, what God wants is not necessarily what you want at times (unless of course, you’ve aligned yourself to Him in a way that His thoughts are constantly streaming through you). Okay, so God is happy, I’m taking her to the market, and not expecting her to pull through for me in future. Show love and don’t look out for the person’s reaction. Show respect to everyone (it removes nothing from you), and when they criticise you, smile and make amends. Don’t take offense at the fact that you’ve been putting in all your effort and it just seems like it’s the tiny oversights you make that are amplified way out of proportion. Just see it this way, ‘you are coming out like GOLD’.
The idea is to continually give, and not expect that same person to reciprocate the giving. It’s difficult, trust me, but it’s one of the ways you can live a worry free and bitter free life! God help us all.

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